🚔 Garda Linguistique
French Crimes
Every week, Madame Nicola investigates the most shocking crimes committed against the French language. Are you coupable? 👀
Meet Madame Nicola
You may know her from the French Crimes series — the strictest language officer in the country, with zero tolerance for linguistic misdemeanours.
Inside the FrenchExam.ie course, she's slightly nicer. Slightly.
With nearly 20 years of teaching experience and experience as an SEC oral examiner and corrector, she's seen every crime in the book — and she's here to make sure you don't commit them in your Leaving Cert.
The Case Files 🗂️
Twenty-four crimes. Twenty-four verdicts. All committed by real students. Names have been withheld to protect the coupable.
Case #001
Crime #1
Le Crime: "Je suis 17 ans"
The accused claimed to BE 17 years old. As in, physically made of years. The correct form, j'ai 17 ans, uses avoir — because in French, you have an age. You don't become it.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Use avoir!
Case #002
Crime #2
Le Crime: "Je suis faim"
The accused declared themselves to BE hunger. Not hungry. Hunger itself. The correct form is j'ai faim. Avoir strikes again.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · J'ai faim!
Case #003
Crime #3
Le Crime: "Ce gâteau a besoin d'un préservatif"
The accused requested a condom for their cake. In front of everyone. They meant conservateur — a preservative. Préservatif is a false friend of the most spectacular variety.
⚖️ Verdict: Très coupable · Faux ami!
Case #004
Crime #4
Le Crime: "Mon père est enceinte"
The accused announced that their father is pregnant. A remarkable revelation. Enceinte means pregnant and is used for a woman.
⚖️ Verdict: Scandaleusement coupable!
Case #005
Crime #5
Le Crime: "Je vais à France"
The accused attempted to travel to France without the correct preposition. You go en France, not à France. Feminine countries normally take en.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Je vais en France!
Case #006
Crime #6
Le Crime: "Je suis chaud"
The accused announced they were hot — but not in the weather sense. To say that you personally feel hot, use j'ai chaud.
⚖️ Verdict: Très coupable · J'ai chaud!
Case #007
Crime #7
Le Crime: "Je suis excité"
The accused declared themselves excité in front of the whole class. Unfortunately, that can describe a rather more private kind of excitement. Stick to j'ai hâte or je suis impatient(e).
⚖️ Verdict: Scandaleusement coupable!
Case #008
Crime #8
Le Crime: "Manque toi"
The accused tried to translate “miss you” word for word. Manquer works differently in French. The correct form is tu me manques.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Tu me manques!
Case #009
Crime #9
Le Crime: "Je visite ma grand-mère"
The accused visited their grandmother as though she were a museum. To visit a person, use rendre visite à quelqu'un. The correct form is je rends visite à ma grand-mère.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Rendre visite!
Case #010
Crime #10
Le Crime: "Le pape m'a blessée"
The accused claimed to have been blessed by the Pope. Unfortunately, blesser means to wound or injure — so this sentence reports something considerably more dramatic.
⚖️ Verdict: Très coupable · Faux ami!
Case #011
Crime #11
Le Crime: "Il y a beaucoup des problèmes"
After an expression of quantity like beaucoup, un peu or trop, use de. The correct form is il y a beaucoup de problèmes.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Beaucoup de!
Case #012
Crime #12
Le Crime: "Je suis fini mes devoirs"
The accused attempted to finish their homework using être. Finir takes avoir in the passé composé. The correct form is j'ai fini mes devoirs.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · J'ai fini!
Case #013
Crime #13
Le Crime: "Je suis allé à la plage et il fait beau et j'ai nagé"
The accused told an entire past story but suddenly dragged the weather into the present. Events use the passé composé, while background description often needs the imparfait. Use il faisait beau.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Il faisait beau!
Case #014
Crime #14
Le Crime: "Il y a des gens qui pense que"
The accused left the verb singular after a plural subject. Des gens is plural, so the correct form is il y a des gens qui pensent que.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Accord du verbe!
Case #015
Crime #15
Le Crime: "Il a tombé dans l'escalier"
The accused used avoir with tomber. Tomber takes être in the passé composé. The correct form is il est tombé dans l'escalier.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Verbe être!
Case #016
Crime #16
Le Crime: "Je m'intéresse dans la musique"
The accused became interested inside music. Sadly, English has infiltrated the evidence. The verb s'intéresser takes à. The correct form is je m'intéresse à la musique.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · S'intéresser à!
Case #017
Crime #17
Le Crime: "Je vais en Japon cet été"
The accused tried to send themselves en Japon. Unfortunately for them, le Japon is masculine. Masculine countries normally take au. The correct form is je vais au Japon cet été.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Au Japon!
Case #018
Crime #18
Le Crime: "J'ai vécu dans les États-Unis"
The accused spent several years living somewhere vaguely inside the United States. Countries with plural names use aux. The correct form is j'ai vécu aux États-Unis.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Aux États-Unis!
Case #019
Crime #19
Le Crime: "Il n'a pas dit rien"
The accused attempted a double negative. Rien is already doing the negative work, so pas has no business being at the scene. The correct form is il n'a rien dit.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Ne... rien!
Case #020
Crime #20
Le Crime: "Personne n'a pas compris"
Another double-negative offender. Personne already means nobody, so adding pas is unnecessary. The correct form is personne n'a compris.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Ne... personne!
Case #021
Crime #21
Le Crime: "Elle attend son ami avant il parte"
The accused attempted to place an entire clause after avant without the necessary que. With a subject and verb, use avant que followed by the subjunctive: avant qu'il parte.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Avant qu'il parte!
Case #022
Crime #22
Le Crime: "J'ai habité ici pour trois ans"
The accused translated “for three years” directly from English. If you still live there now, French uses the present tense with depuis: j'habite ici depuis trois ans.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Depuis trois ans!
Case #023
Crime #23
Le Crime: "C'est un bon marches"
The accused tried to make bon marché agree like an ordinary adjective. But bon marché, meaning inexpensive or good value, is invariable. The correct form is simply c'est bon marché.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Bon marché!
Case #024
Crime #24
Le Crime: "Chaque élèves doivent réviser"
The accused forgot that chaque demands the singular. One student at a time! The noun and verb must both be singular: chaque élève doit réviser.
⚖️ Verdict: coupable · Chaque élève doit!
Ne soyez pas coupable!
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